feeling things in public places

essays on growth (of a person and an illness)

eliezer tristan publishing

Carling Mars has always lived with mental illness. Hallucinations, delusions, depression, mania, suicidal thinking: my goodness, has it been difficult. From terrible therapists and psychiatrists to destabilizing medication changes to hospitalizations, Carling’s been through kind of a lot. Work went from upsetting to painful to incompatible with life. Some friends disappear when you start talking about it.

But, in a shocking twist, life goes on. Making new friends, helping others, learning from the pain, falling in love, growing, becoming a better person; all these things (and more!) happen in these pages, some despite mental illness, but a good amount because of mental illness. It turns out that even a severely mentally ill person can have a life worth fighting for.


somnambulist (cw: blood, surgical trauma)

e/x (cw: domestic violence)

antihistamine (cw: medical trauma)



when they go low we go dark

lax (cw: violence)


well? well

an elegy to health